Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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