If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
