And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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