I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
