please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
