so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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