We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
