His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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