Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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