just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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