You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
