Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
