God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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