Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
