i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
