even my farts smell like vagina
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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