I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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