fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
