Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
