After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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