White coat. Heels.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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