all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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