How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
