The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
