shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
