I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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