My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
