1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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