Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
