woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
