Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
