My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
