I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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