my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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