I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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