Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
