She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
