Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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