my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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