I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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