please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
