Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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