i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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