its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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