If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
