I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
