i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
