I got chris browned last night
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
