I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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