Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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