You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
