when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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