My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
