If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
