Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
