I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
