I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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