We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
