Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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