I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
