I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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