my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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