Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
