if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
