I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
this is an emotional support booty call
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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