i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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