I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
