mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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