I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
