I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
