I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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