this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
