No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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