Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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