carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
