Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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